I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
