You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
