grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
