Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
