I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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