We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
