I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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