In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
there was a trapeze. enough said
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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