Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ketchup is God's man juice
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
