I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
