i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
