Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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