I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
