she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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