Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
