My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
