The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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