I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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