She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just high enough for therapy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
