Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
