so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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