sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
