you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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