If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
