Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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