thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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