Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I will be naked everywhere
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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