Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
