so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
