i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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