Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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