turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
