WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
smell my finger.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
