It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
