Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
