He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
my poor anus
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
