Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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