We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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