i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
