you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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