I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
