RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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