Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
