I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
