WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
