he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
