Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
