I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
