What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
