I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Panties = found
Randomize
