I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
