There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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