Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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