Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
