you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
