Got a toothbrush?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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