woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
