still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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